Life is not that hard

I've never been one that loves to love. I'd rather be lonely from time to time than be with someone just for the company.

Life is really not that hard. But we, all people, can make it very difficult when it doesn't have to be. And a part of it is because we pay for how our parents raised us (or didn't). But at some point in life, the blame has got to stop and some ownership has to be taken to heal from the past of our childhood and then on top of that, all the decisions we've made. And then add being in relationships for the wrong reasons, and/or poor choice of intent with that person, and being with the wrong person...that hurts us even more and then hinders healing and our future.

So much healing has to be done from all of that otherwise it's just a constant game of "hurt people hurting other hurt people". A broken person cannot heal another broken person. We need to do the hard work. The internal work, on our own for us to heal AND THEN find someone else that's also healed. Being aware of your crap and actually healing from your crap are two very different things.

God: 
"I'm not going to give you what you think you want. Because you don't know yet, but what you want is not what you need and/or deserve. I know that you want it badly but focus on me and you'll see that what you're currently wanting, is not for you".

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten what I wanted in life...and ask me how many times was I satisfied? More often, I wasn't. I realized...hm, I guess I didn't really want what I thought I wanted. NOW. I'm someone that will question myself. Why did I want that? What was my intent? Have I not healed from something that I'm trying to fill this "want" or "void" with an underlying issue? I aske myself these questions because I don't want to waste my time/life repeating the same mistakes. That's way more of a waste than spending some good time on working on yourself. What's worse than wasting your time is wasting your life being with the people we know we will not have a future with. More times than not, we know when we want to be with that person or not but we have a hard time leaving. 

If you try to place boundaries around yourself after explaining why and how you feel (for example: please just call me because I get anxiety when you text) and that persons responds with, "it's always on your time and what you want to do"...they don't respect your boundaries in general and just think you're telling them what to do.

Life it really not that hard.

Know/learn yourself. Know what you want and what you don't want. Make a decision. Don't put it off, don't procrastinate, don't drag what you know you don't want on...choose YOU. We all have to be a little selfish and also have to be able to man up and say to ourselves, "that was the wrong choice but now I know better so I'll choose better." Someone will always get hurt feelings because that's a part of life. You have to be sure that YOU are solid first before you bring another person into your space.

So many people don't want to wait to be healed before bringing someone in. Don't do yourself and that person the disservice. 

Know better, do better. Make a plan, make a decision, EXECUTE.